I have experienced a lot of very chaotic situations/events over the past 7 – 8 years. In that time I have had juggle so much all at once. The chaotic situations/events caused by other people lead to me losing stability on a mental level, housing stability, support, and homelessness lead to having to work more with accumulated points. So – In the space of 7 – 8 years I've had to still make money by getting into work so that I could sort my future out and be able to find housing stability after it was robbed of me when people decided to create mental instability for me. The type of career roles I wanted to do was being a behavioural psychologist but because I lost so much time and money caused by instability that option was no longer available. I had to settle for less than what I wanted.
I jumped into a free course that helped me to get a job in disability and mental health. It was all natural for me because I have been a carer before. I had to take on the role of a carer for my disabled from the age of 14 – 18 years so that my mother could work to put food on the table. My mother was a nurse and worked random shifts so I had to give up on school, give up on a teenage life, and under a lot of psycholoigcal abuse from my mother I became a hermit and never did anything else but took care of my brother. That was my life for 4 years. So, this role was not new to me. Some people with mental health and disability do have several outburst – Because i grew up in a domestic violence household and outburst from my brother – this is something I had first hand experience with and knew ways to deal with it. It was a role that I've played before but not one I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. I left that role to do my own thing.
I made a decision to start my own business. Looking back at that moment of making that decision I see it as a very bold one. I did not have any experience of running my own business. I bought all the equipment, did some studies, and throw myself into it. I started with a cleaning business because it was something I have first hand experience of. Where I have the experience with cleaning is everyday life and going to work with my father.
When I was 13 years old I went to work with my father. We lived in a 2 bedroom flat with 4 other people so when my dad went to work I'd cease the opportunity to go with him. I helped him work, I would go into the businesses, I would wander around, and I guess get up to mischief when my father wasn't looking. What helping him taught me was the skills necessary to clean up on a professional level.
Knowing that I had that experience made me feel confident enough to go ahead with the business. It was a cool experience as I watched it become a success. But what still made me unstable within it was the way that people who had constantly been making trouble throughout the 7 – 8 years would come in and cause more just to be arseholes. They knew it was not helping me in anyway whatsoever but they still wanted to do it, to cause harm, to create problems, and that's what I know those people to be – Trouble makes, problem starters, and continuous abusers. So, when all this happened it would cause strain on my stability and therefore impact on my business. I had to let go of the business to find a different direction.
The direction that I chose was to be a carer for my father who has pancreatic cancer. What it mean't for me is that I could spend time looking after my father in time of need. The benefits outweighed the cons and I get a decent income to help me support myself. Making that decision to switch over to be a carer for my father mean't that I was able to move out of living in my car and into a unit that I really like in a nice neighbourhood. I have made a comfortable living space where I can have stable housing to then work on myself.
What does concern me is that I don't know when my father will pass. I don't want him to go yet as I have come to know my father without alcohol in the picture. I find he to be a decent man but now lives with regrets, and things he wishes he had done but aside from that a decent man and if alcohol wasn't in the picture a long time ago – an awesome man. We know that as he has a terminal illness he will go eventually. I have had some fears about what type of work I will be doing when he does leave. How I am going to support myself, etc. It has caused a little stress but also helped me to realise that I do have to start making decisions now that are going to help me long-term to maintain stability even through the grief and loss that I will experience and loss of income stability.
I have a knowing in myself that I would not go back to working for someone else. I have had a taste of running a business that is completely my own. I have had the freedom to do what I want to do and make money from it without anyone else telling me what to do. I do not want to go back to working for someone else who is raking in lots of money while I only get a certain amount. That is for people who would like to do that but I have an opportunity and time to work on creating a life where I do not have to do that. Not that it is a bad thing – It comes down to opportunity and what life you want to life for yourself. Mine is to create my own. Aside from that, I have fallen in love with creating businesses. I cannot stop creating them. Well, I can, but I just love the whole process of creating brands, websites, social media marketing, marketing, uploading content, videos, and that ability to create one's own source of income. I have fallen in love with it so much that I've got about 4 businesses of my own, a couple of joint, and another one owned by someoen else that I am helping build for them for free. It has been something I've just fallen in love with.
The businesses have allowed me to express different sides of myself. Their a way for me to be creative and potentially create money by doing so. What have stopped them from being build to full potential right now is that I have been working on tools that are not sufficient to carry out what I want to do for the brands/business. I will be getting all those tools/equipment on Tuesday, and then will be able to start producing the content for them. With the new equipment set to arrive on Tuesday I have fears come up.
These fears are about stepping out of my comfort zone more under a business that will encompass everything. One part of that business I have already go skills on and am looking to build skills in is social media marketing and graphic design. I have had experience with creating content for people and their businesses but now I want to step out to actually make money from it. I have been afraid that I may not be up to par, scratch and/or able to get a client satisfaction but if I have any troubles I'd be able to outsource business and still receive the income. THat has been my one fear. Another add-on to the business that has been coming up is to business mentoring/coaching -- I have doubts that because I have not had a good upbringing or because I currently don't have mega millions, that I wont be a good business coach/mentor. I have not taken up a coaching/mentoring course yet but what stops me is thinking/believing that I wouldn't be a good mentor and/or be recognised as someone who could assist/support -- but fears, doubts, beliefs about something we've never tried out can also be a limitation. It's about removing that and stepping into something new to see how it goes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my income stability when my father passes away.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my income when my father passes away.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I will do for an income when my father passes away.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the grief and loss that I will experience when my father passes away.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to waste time by not being focused on desteni and the businesses that I can use to create an income now and so later on too.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatient with the new equipment arriving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear going out in getting clients under my social media marketing service.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my clients not being satisfied with the work that I do
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can outsource work and still get paid while making a profit from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I wouldn't make a good mentor/coach for someone who is looking to start up their own business even after undertaking a course and having first hand experience of creating one and mentoring family members.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I would be a good mentor/coach because of my own past experiences and how I grew up.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I've got to have mega millions to help people build businesses.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting up something very new that will take me out of my comfort-zone enitrely
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may think or judge about the content that I produce for people to help them grow their businesses.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to wait to start businesses when I can start building then now while I have the time and income to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about my income being taken from me once my father passes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress out about my father passing away.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rushed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that if I work every single, when I have the time, on creating potential income stability for the future then it is to do it so that I do not have to experience instability or a cycle of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about my father passing away and me not having him there to speak to or for income stability.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unstable and having no place to live again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything I have again even my own mentally stability.
When and as I see myself stressing, worrying and fearing the death of my father - I stop and I breathe – I realise that my father has helped me through this period of my life and if I use this time wisely I'll be able to create a point of constant income stability where I'll be able to then maintain my stability to continue working on myself.
When and as I see myself stressing, worrying and fearing stepping out of my comfortzone to try out different direction – I stop and I breathe – I realise that to find the right direction that will help bring in a consistent income and making the type of money that I'd like to, I will have to step out of my comfort zone and start valuing myself and offering people value.
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