DAY 32: Helping Yourself Will help Others

DAY 32: Helping Yourself Will help Others

I was taught at a young age to put people before me. From the age 13 - 18 years of age I was expected to be a carer for my disabled brother. What that took from me is time for my life. I never got to be a teenager or to do normal teenager stuff. I was just expected to give my time ant attention to my brother. It was a massive responsibility that took years of my time. 

To people who are close to me I am considered the one to call if needing help. Sometimes those around me require/need help. They come to me for assistance with forms, to talk to about opportunities or what to do about a situation/event, to find out information, to help them build a business, and so forth. It is in my nature to help people when I can but recently I've noticed that I am putting other people first before myself.  

Where I am responsible is I'll agree to help them or say I will do that for you without first considering my own circumstances. I am a person to keep to their word so I live out most of what I say I'll do even if it leaves me short for time or money. This hasn't assisted or supported me by being that way.  How it hasn't done so is the time that I am busy helping someone else means I'm less focused on me, the tasks that I am doing may require money so I'll try keep up with that agreement to help and use money that could have gone to my basics.  

This point became more obvious with a recent opportunity that opened up. Now that I have cash to splash I automatically think about helping other people or giving it away without considering myself. Now, I haven't done that yet, but the thoughts were about helping others and giving it away – not directly assisting and supporting me/myself -- my life. If I am not assisting and supporting myself then that's not best for all. That is being a disservice. It's cool to help someone out but when you require/need help it is being a disservice to oneself. 

What I've decided to do is save up all this money I'm making and put it to assisting and supporting my own life cause self comes first and then helping others.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to give the money that I will be making from my URL/page into other peoples pocket without considering myself first and what I need in my life to change my position to the system.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to give money to everyone around me without considering my own life and what I need to do for it  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to give money that can be used to assist and support me in my life to other people whom I cannot afford to give it to.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so giving of my time and speak without consideration of what I have to do for my own life to be better and so better for other people.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I'll help even when I don't have the time or the money to really help at all.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I'll help people without consideration of my circumstances  

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for those close to me then want to help by giving them money or time that I don't have all that much.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a bad person if  do not help those around me all of the time and give them money that I cannot afford to give.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my responsibility to fix those around me and their lives.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put too much responsibility on my shoulders by saying yes to people who would like help even when I don't have th time or money.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is wrong to give time and money to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to help everyone else except myself to just feel like a good person.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the appreciation I get from other people when I can get that from myself if I started to give all that time and attention to my own life.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it is best to consider my own circumstances first before I say that I will help a person. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is wrong to put self-first.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that by giving my time, attention and money to myself is helping other people in the long run.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that giving time, attention and money to makes me a less giving person when I am still giving it's just to myself.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving is about giving to other people when it can also be about giving to yourself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not deserve my own help, time, money or attention.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being assertive, honest and open about not having enough time or money for other people is being a ''Hard ass''  ' when it is just being self-honest.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted  and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it is best to help other people only when I have the time and if I have the money to spare where someone really requires it and if I do not need it for anything else.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect being the helpful person all the time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'd be nothing without disregarding my own life and giving my money, time and attention to other people. 

I realise that by giving myself the time, attention and money that I'll be helping others through helping me.  

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for someone close to me then want to help – I stop and I breathe – I realise that it is best to check in with my own circumstances first-hand before offering my time, and/or money so that I do not leave myself worse off  

I commit myself to be assertive, honest and open with those close to me.  

I commit myself to give myself the time, attention and money to better me in life.  

DAY 31: Slowing Down To Get The Most Out Of My Writings

DAY 31: Slowing Down To Get The Most Out Of My Writings

I'm used to getting things done really fast. If there is a task I need to do I will finish it as fast as I can. I do not like wasting time and if something needs to be done then I'll want it done as quick as possible. When it comes to writing I am very much the same.  

Ever since I was a child I have not liked writing. I was not good at it in school. Growing up in my household we were never taught that vocabulary and writing were important. My parents let us play videos games, watch TV, go outside and play with other kids. They preferred us to be away from them so that they could have their ''peace''. So, we weren't taught the value of those two things in the household.  

In school I did not know how to spell or read. I was in year two – three where I still could not read. I was asked to read the word had in class one day and I assumed it spelt honey as a wild guess. When it came to writing structure well I never really got good at that. I remember just copying my way through school work not knowing what any of it really meant Later on in life – well with parents that were not focused much on really assisting and supporting their children aside from clothing and feeding them – I still did not get the whole writing structure down. But I managed to learn to read and spell way better when investing time into chat sites.  

In university I did manage to get high marks for my writing structure but without consistency I didn't really engrave it, lol. Unfortunately, due to psychological abuse from psychological abusers I was unable to go to university at a young age. All that being said, I still find it a little frustrating to write and I often want to rush through the whole process.  

By rushing it I notice that I use the same vocabulary and I miss out on in-depth with myself in writing. I am able to pull out sense as what I want to say as it all comes together but when I rush then it is not as in-depth and detailed as it could be if I slow down, relax and allow the fingers to not rush. 

 Additional help in my life to expand my vocabulary has been the TechnoTutor. I do have to give that a plug because it has helped a great deal with my reading and expanding my world through words. I do not currently make use of it but I do have a similar tool that I created as an alternative. It works in the same way just a lot faster for me. Anyways, back to it -  Writing needs to be a comfortable experience not a rushed one.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush my writings  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush my writings to move onto the next task as soon as possible. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frantic about time.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that spending time writing is a waste of time and should be rushed to get over and done with. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to type super fast on the keyboard when I am trying to make sense of everything that I'd like to write about.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncomfortable with being comfortable.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-intimacy.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable with being detailed, descriptive and indepth in writing for change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in-depth, detailed and descriptive for change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being really effective in my writings in case I do change.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety when I go slow as if time is being wasted.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing is a waste of my time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated at how I have to slow down to be effective with my writings.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not make sense or it will not be good if I slow down  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/relaise/understand that everything will make sense to me if I allow myself to be comfortable, and write.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to  believe that I am not good at writing and structure.  

I commit myself to get comfortable, relax and type slow enough for me to be descriptive, detailed and in-depth when I write.