DAY 17: Our Fears, Judgments and Insecurities Effect Our Self-Worth In Relationships

DAY 17:  Our Fears, Judgments and Insecurities Effect Our Self-Worth In Relationships

I have designed a routine to balance all spheres of my life.  My routine prior to the new one was lacking a focus on opportunities for potential partnership. I did not participated in any dating for a while so I needed to put myself out there and that takes some hours of my day. Why I have not invested hour prior to making this decision is because I have been busy trying to change my relationship to the system. Changing ones relationship to the system is a forever on-going process. Some people have to work harder than others to change their relationship to it because the system is built on a platform of inequality. So, it is a forever on-going process. But what I do realise is I could make it a faster one if I did have the right person with me assisting/supporting me and I her. This is why I am deciding to invest time into creating opportunities for potential partnership and why it took me so long to do so.  

To do all this I have to be willing to see parts/aspects of myself that I am not aware of. A relationship is about self-discovery as much as helping someone discover themselves too. What I discovered about me when I was getting to know a potential partner was that I have fears, insecurities and judgment existing within me that impact on my self-worth and limit the potential I can be with this person. In the space and time of getting to know her I was also getting to know me.

If we do not remove those fears, insecurities and judgements by way of self-forgiveness the I FORGIVE MYSELF than we limit our potential and we do not change our lives. We do not cease the opportunities by living in fear, accepting our insecurities and listening to our judgements towards self.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare how I look within appearance to that of a potential partner and think/believe that I am not worthy of a partnership based on the appearance difference.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such thing as good looking 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that there is just people who have different appearance from their parents and levels of self-supportive words that they have strengthened to get them looking and appearing the way they do and in most cases being able to afford to look the way they do.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that people will look different based on their relationship to the system and what words they are living in their life.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that comparing one's life to another for the purpose of downgrading, judging and other types of self-abuse limits one's potential to change their relationship to the system and to have relationships that are beneficial for them in life.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body for being short  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about my shortness incomparison to tall people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shit about being short because I am not as tall as girls that are. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about my teeth being crooked.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people think about my crooked teeth. 

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show my teeth because they're crooked 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous of people who do have enough to afford dental work  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous of people who have enough money to afford personal trainers for changing their bodies.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about the thinness of my body.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people think about the thinness of my body.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what potential partners may think about my appearance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to downgrade my body in front of other people or in private.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to downgrade my body and impact on my self-worth. 

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to go into comparison between me and a potential partner than like her world better and judge my own and believe that I am not worth to be with her.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish opportunities for partnership by believing fears, insecurities, and judgements about my life and body.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself ugly in comparison of my body to others.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may think of me in pictures.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about my hair. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about my lips 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about my thinness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about my teeth. 

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about my eyes and underneath my eyes.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may say or think about me wearing glasses. 

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected because of how I look/appear 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection 

When and as I see myself downgrading with fears, judgements and insecurities within comparison or any other time – I stop and I breathe - I realise that people look the way they do for a variety of reasons and factors but that shouldn't determine who I am with them nor should it determine who I am with myself and therefore I allow myself to live to my fullest potential and cease opportunities that are available for me to self-discover and for other people to discover themselves too. That's how one helps themselves change their relationship to the system.  

DAY 16: Healthy Balance Between Communication and Relationship With Self and Others

DAY 16: Healthy Balance Between Communication and Relationship With Self and Others

In the process of getting to know a potential partner I did not give time to my life. For four days I spent time communicating with a woman. I developed habits like picking up my phone and checking messages, I did not focus on changing the points that I did notice coming up,  I obsessed about her lots, I was in a honey-moon phase as we got to know each other and it was this that lead to the potential to be now not really existent. A consequence of not giving the time I need to myself and the life I have mean't that I did not change anything when/during the opportunity was present. Every moment spent with a person is an opportunity to change and I didn't do it. By not changing what is not best for all inside ourselves that affects relationships could lead to a breakdown in relationships and communication. If we gift the change to our relationships by working on changing the not so great about ourselves then relationships can be about growth, expansion and self-support – Not about energy and riding waves in ignorance of what needs to be changed.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have invested too much time into the communication and relationship building with Person S that I did not give the time and attention to me that would have made the communication and relationship building process much more beneficial and comfortable.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not had a balance of giving time to me and relationships.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build relationships that are purely built on energy instead of real platform of support.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not listened to that voice in my head that kept showing me the common sense and solution to communication breakdowns in relationships.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over the communication and relationship building process  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not gifted myself the time and so the change that could have kept a relationship in my life  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so obsessed with the communication and relationship process that I forget my life and push the person away because I don't want to face me  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person S for the communication breakdown  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny me the gift of change through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application by remaining ignorant through not writing, not reflecting, and so not changing while the opportunity of the relationship is there.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel great regret for not changing myself or being aware of what I say in relationships.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not been aware of the breathing during interactions and communication with people so that I do not speak out of emotions/feelings that will lead to something I later regret or became the reasons for miscommunication.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how people react to what I say.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking with other people in case I say something that they react to when it is all about how I say and if they proceed to react to that after I've put consideration into how to say then that does not define me.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry so about what I will say in case of a relationship failing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communication ceasing  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that being aware of the 4 count breath, writing everyday and putting what I'm going to say to someone through a filtration process I am able to be the best I can be in relationships and rest assure that I've done my best if a relationship does not work out.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that a relationship is all about learning where my weakness and strengths are through interactions, communication, and also learning as well as assisting/supporting another to do the same.  

When and as I see myself  giving too much to the communication and relationship – I stop and I breathe – I realise that by gifting myself the time I need for me to change my life and who I am within relationships and communication I can be the best in those relationships so that they are assistive and supportive and I can function in them the best of my abilities.  

I commit myself to have a healthy balance of communication and relationships  

I commit myself to have a healthy balance with communication with me and my relationship to myself