I'm used to getting things done really fast. If there is a task I need to do I will finish it as fast as I can. I do not like wasting time and if something needs to be done then I'll want it done as quick as possible. When it comes to writing I am very much the same.
Ever since I was a child I have not liked writing. I was not good at it in school. Growing up in my household we were never taught that vocabulary and writing were important. My parents let us play videos games, watch TV, go outside and play with other kids. They preferred us to be away from them so that they could have their ''peace''. So, we weren't taught the value of those two things in the household.
In school I did not know how to spell or read. I was in year two – three where I still could not read. I was asked to read the word had in class one day and I assumed it spelt honey as a wild guess. When it came to writing structure well I never really got good at that. I remember just copying my way through school work not knowing what any of it really meant Later on in life – well with parents that were not focused much on really assisting and supporting their children aside from clothing and feeding them – I still did not get the whole writing structure down. But I managed to learn to read and spell way better when investing time into chat sites.
In university I did manage to get high marks for my writing structure but without consistency I didn't really engrave it, lol. Unfortunately, due to psychological abuse from psychological abusers I was unable to go to university at a young age. All that being said, I still find it a little frustrating to write and I often want to rush through the whole process.
By rushing it I notice that I use the same vocabulary and I miss out on in-depth with myself in writing. I am able to pull out sense as what I want to say as it all comes together but when I rush then it is not as in-depth and detailed as it could be if I slow down, relax and allow the fingers to not rush.
Additional help in my life to expand my vocabulary has been the TechnoTutor. I do have to give that a plug because it has helped a great deal with my reading and expanding my world through words. I do not currently make use of it but I do have a similar tool that I created as an alternative. It works in the same way just a lot faster for me. Anyways, back to it - Writing needs to be a comfortable experience not a rushed one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush my writings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush my writings to move onto the next task as soon as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frantic about time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that spending time writing is a waste of time and should be rushed to get over and done with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to type super fast on the keyboard when I am trying to make sense of everything that I'd like to write about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncomfortable with being comfortable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-intimacy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable with being detailed, descriptive and indepth in writing for change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in-depth, detailed and descriptive for change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being really effective in my writings in case I do change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety when I go slow as if time is being wasted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing is a waste of my time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated at how I have to slow down to be effective with my writings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not make sense or it will not be good if I slow down
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/relaise/understand that everything will make sense to me if I allow myself to be comfortable, and write.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good at writing and structure.
I commit myself to get comfortable, relax and type slow enough for me to be descriptive, detailed and in-depth when I write.
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