DAY 9: Picking Up The Damage

DAY 9: Picking Up The Damage

Yesterday I felt very angry about having to pick up the damage from the psychopathic issues/problems that were imposed onto me by 5 individuals. I've said this before, but I feel that it is very necessary to note down the crimes that were committed against my life. I was lied to, manipulated, degraded, betrayed, forced into a mental breakdown, manipulated to force myself with a male, turned against my psychologist who was helping me out of the situation these created, I was homeless because of the psychological abuse being imposed upon me, due to the severe psychological abuse and the impacts it was having onto me I ended up losing family and they were trying to force me with this male. So I was degraded, manipulated, abused, inferiorized, tormented, humiliated by these 5 individuals who imposed their psychopathic issues/problems onto me. They came back into my life to blame me, lie to me, inferiorize me, lie to other people about me and then try force me with males again. So, these people continued to impsoe their psychopathic issues/problems onto my life causing me to be homeless, causing me to lose my family, causing me to lose opportunities for universities, taking away my DIP pro courses from me, hurting other people including the boy they were trying force me with, they wouldn't listen me when I told them I liked women and they did this knowing that it was impacting on my life so severely. They did not care about my life, the lives of my family, the life of that boy they were trying to force me with, they did not care about anyone in the situations that they created. So as a result of all this it has truly had an extreme psychological impact on my life, it has impacted upon my financial situation, it has impacted on my relationships with other people, and my trust levels, it has created severe problems within my relationship to myself because of the psychopathic issues/problems that exist in these individuals. Not only did they do this but they still continue to this day to not allow me to walk my DIP Pro courses as they don't want me sharing about the damages that they have created for me in my life. Yet create severe disadvantagement and don't want to look at the damages --- but they'll either face them here or face them in the afterlife so there is really not point to them keeping someone out of their DIP Pro courses and causing further disadvantagement for someone in their process.

These people kept on using my courses for a way to blackmail me into the ''conversion abuse''. But it was entirely manipulation and none of it I wanted. It was all pure manipulation from these people that caused on the damages between me and other people as well as even my business. They even tried to cover all this up from me seeing it and people within the group. They lied to everyone about me and expected me to be raped by a person I was abused for. So, I can only define these people as having psychopathic issues/problems to sit there and watch themselves abuse the crap out of a vulnerable individual then think themselves to be of ''assistance and support''. It is nothing short of crimes being committed against me.

This all being said, yesterday I felt very annoyed and pissed off that I have to pick up the damage from the psychopatic issues/problems that they imposed onto my life. Oh and did I mention that they used my care for someone who I cared for to manipulate me to turn against myself. --- yes, that is another issue/problem stemming within these people. Now, continuing on. I was really pissed off and angry. I didn't want to accept that I have to live my life in a worse off position because of some psychopaths coming into my life and destroying half of my developmental process, my relationship to the system, my financial position, my mind, cause me to have psychological assistance and support now on a continuous basis, and degrade me for males --- then make me believe as human being, tha ti have to settle for less than what I would for myself in this life. They degraded me to lower myself so that they could have this delusional idea of happiness. SO, I wasn't to live for myself -- I was to degrade myself for another individual to make them happy. So --- Then I've got to pick up the damages of their psychopathic issues/problems that they imposed onto me --- A vulnerable innocent individual who hasn't done anything wrong to anyone. But made sure I didn't lower my standards and go with someone I was abused for. Then stick up for myself, assist and support myself with psychologist, and continue to build a business or life for me then go after my course to assist and support myself onto of having to deal with these people trying to cover up their psychopathic issues/problems not just from me but from other people who are close to them. Pretty Psychopathic. Ontop of that, they're trying to pick and choose who comes into assist and support themselves by gifting themselves the courses. That is like the ruling elite saying ''we will choose who gets this and who doesn't''.. It is absolute inequality. Then these people claim they're what is best for all. They have shown nothing but psychopathic issues/problems.

So --- I was pissed off at having to instead of live a life of walking unversity and doing my DIP Pro courses and having a wife and the house and my organisation up and running at a young age -- Instead of having that in my life I'm having to pick up all the damages these people created from their psychopathic issues/problems being imposed onto me. Instead of having all things I could have had had these people imposed their issues/problems onto me --- I am now having to spend hours in front of computer, running three businesses, trying to start up an organisation, having to create various accounts to one day get my DIP Pro courses that I wan to gift to myself and always have, and not give time to friendships, to actually be able to put time and focus into my Desteni studies --- not have an intimate partnership a girl I want to be with -- To eventually have enough money to not having to live pay check to pay check at 27 years old. So instead of having everything that I would have had if these individuals didn't bring their ick issues/problems into my life -- I would already have everything in my life and I would have been happy. Now I have to struggle and strive to eventually one day be able to own a house of my own, to have a wife who I believe is compatible to me, to have a family of my own, to have a career I am satisfied with and not only that but I have to start my process to be effective at it --- At 27 years old when I came here when I was 16. They have been doing this to me for 8 years and disadvantaging my process through abusing me and disadvantaging me in the system. These people have only ever committed crimes here. So I was furious.

But what I had to realise is that I haven't given up on me. I see/realise/understand that I am not the problem. I have never been the problem. The only problems/issues that have caused all of this is what exists inside of those 5 individuals who think is absolutely acceptable to impose their psychopathic issues/problems onto another human being.

When crimes are committed against a vulnerable innocent individual it isn't the perpetrator that have to pick up the damages. No, in this case I'll never get a day in court so there is no justice there. As far as I'm concerned, it is the victim who has to pick up the damages that perpetrators create. So, once I realised that yes, my life isn't where it should be as a result of the severe psychopathic issues/problems that exist inside these 5 individuals --- and I do have to now struggle and strive as I have always had to as result of these psychopathic issues/problems existent within these individuals.
It is just how it is. As a result of having to struggle and strive to make the type of money that I could have been making prior to the imposing of their issues/problems onto me. But that's how it is.

You know all these psychopatic issues/problems that they imposed never damaged this people. They own land, they own their houses, they don't get anything taken away from them for not forcing themselves to be raped or live with someone they don't want to be with, they weren't homeless --- they watched from their own land --- they weren't affected, they didn't lose money, they didn't lose their process because of their own issues/problems they didn't get disadvantaged because the imposing of their own issues/problems -- No --- these people were perfectly fine --- but they just sat there watching as they abused the crap out of someone and imposed their psychopathic issues/problems and blamed me for it all because I didn't allow myself to be raped or live with someone I don't even know. So, the issues/problems that these people have is very extreme. They also keep denying me the right to walk my courses to this day and share myself about picking up the damages where I enjoy to share my writings.

So I was angry about having to live a life of struggling still to this day because of the psychopathic issues/problems these people imposed onto my life. But this is what happens when crimes committed it's the victim that suffers -- it is not the perpetrators (especially in this situation). I have to live this life -- not these people who created the damage -- It's me. That is something I have to accept and yes because I have to get to a point in my life where I can afford to buy house, to have a family of my own with a wife who I'm happy to be with and to have a career that helps other people -- Yeah, I've got to work my ass, I have to give up decent hours of sleep, I have to give up on spending time with friends, I have to only spend four hours on my Desteni studies every night when I could have been giving more time to my self had these people not imposed their ick issues/problems onto me. It's not them that has to live with the knowing that someone has abused he shit of them for men. It's not them. It is me. But then again... They have to live with knowing that they did that to someone. So, I'd rather be me then them. Because you have to be an absolute psychopath to do that to someone.

BUT AGAIN -- I see/realise/understand that yes my life will have more struggles and challenges as I continue to create a life that I could have had these people not walked into my life imposing their psychopathic issues/problems onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed about having to pick up all of the damages from the psychopathic issues/problems those 5 individual imposed onto me and my process.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that victims of a crime have to pick the damages and that's the reality

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that so long as I still keep going for the things that I deserve to have in my life through my own enjoyment, and also to assist/support me in my process, that is a part of picking up the damages these people have created.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I will have to be in a ridged routine and sit in front of a computer very often as part of picking up the damages so that I can have the life that I would have had if these people didn't impose their psycopathic issues/problems into my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I will have everything that I've wanted and needed in my life eventually as I keep picking up the damaged thse people have imposed onto my life as well as my process.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that this is my life for now until I am able to reach a point where I make enough money to live instead of paycheck to paycheck survival.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be furious about having to pick up all the damage that these people with psychopatic issues/problems brought into my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated, anger, and annoyed because I have to invest large chunks of my time picking up the damages that these people created in my life through manipulating, degrading me, torturing me, lying to me, betraying me, and absolutely treating me like a piece of shit for the likes of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about all the damages that I've got to now pick up in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that as a victim I do have to pick up the damages in order to have a decent life that I'd like to live for myself .

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that there will be great benefits to the consistant work that I am putting into my businesses, my organisation and so my process to so long as I continue to pick up the extensive amount of damage these people created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now have to focus my process on picking up the damages that people with psychopathic issues/problems created for me through imposed those problem/issues onto my life and process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that because these people have disadvantaged me in my process that I should give up on me and my process when no that isn't an option.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving up on my life and process is of any option to me in this life time just because of what those people did to me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that investing 4 hours into my desteni studies is decent enough as that's all I can offer as I have to pick up the damages around my financial situation first-hand as that's what keeps me alive.

When and as I see myself feeling furious/pissed off/frustrated/annoyed by me having to pick up the damages that were created by these people who have psychopathic issues/problems that they imposed onto me - I stop and I breathe - I realise that as a victim of a crime I have to pick up the damages in order to assist and support myself in my process as well as my life so that I can continue to create the life that will make me happy and so is best for all.

I commit myself to continue to do what i have to do to pick up all the damages they created for me in this life time to get back the opportunities I'd have already had if those people did not impose their issues/problems onto me and my process.