I created accounts on the Desteni forums to share myself openly. I like sharing on the forums. The problem that occurs when I do this is they will let me share and then the individuals will delete my account some days later. This is not a new pattern. It is a very old one coming from these individuals. What I recieved was a message saying that my account was permanently banned because of my name or because of who I am. Now, I haven't done anything wrong to these people. These people have in the past, and still today, impose their issues/problems onto me, my process and my life as a whole. In the past it really affected my life big time. They manipulated me, lied to me, mentally tortured me and used my care for another person against me to force with males. I was never interested in males in a intimate partnership way. They did this by manipulation, lies, abuse, turning me against myself, tearing a part my family and turning me against my psychologist. They had to make me believe that I was wrong and there was something wrong with me. This all lead me into a mental breakdown where I almost lost my life. They definitely did not care about my life or the lives other people. They just imposed their issues/problems onto me. So, it ended up causing problems throughout my whole life because of their issues/problems. Their issues/problems are still impacting on my process to this day. I don't know what is wrong with these people... all I know is they have issues/problems that they keep imposing onto me. I definitely do not see myself as a bad person or someone who has done anything wrong and I can stand within absolute self-honesty as I have looked at every memory, every moment, and who I was in-comparison to who they were reveals to me that they were the problems and I was not/am not.So yesterday I did slightly react to seeing the message about being permanently banned. I did go into blaming myself but I have not done anything wrong. So for these people to do that as they continue to impose their issues/problems onto me and my process it is rather hurtful, annoying and frustrating -- But I have developed a solution to that so it's all about not reacting or going back through what has happened. That is something that I seem to do. Is i'll start challenging myself and it always comes back to the knowing that they're responsible so I will not give up on myself or stop doing what I am doing. As I know they're the ones with the issues/problems --- So it is not about challenging myself it is about remain stable despite there issues/problems being imposed onto me and my process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am wrong or have done wrong to anyone in the situations these people have created by imposing their issues/problems onto me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, frustration, annoyance and sadness when I see these people continuously impose their issues/problems onto me and my process.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it is all about creating more accounts to ensure these people don't get in the way of my process continuously or show to them that their issues/problems are not going to stop me from doing stuff that I enjoy, that is best for all, and walking my process in the most effective ways possible.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that these issues/problems these people have lead them to delete my accounts has really nothing to do with me or ''me being the issue/problem'' it is all about those people and whatever they have going on within themselves that they need to deal with.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take those individuals issues/problems that they keep imposing onto me personally when their issues/problems do not have anything to do with me but are their own to take responsibility for and stop blaming and imposing them onto someone else.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that those people who continue to impose their issues/problems onto me are not helping anyone or anything but are continue to lock themselves into a cycle that does not assist or support them in anyway which is 'impose and blame'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consider giving up on myself because of the issues/problems those people have that keep impacting on their behaviours and so onto me because they abdicate the responsibility to the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe the crap/shit those people told me, about me in the past and/or still believe it now to this day when these people knew nothing and were completely ignorant and abusive -- as part of their imposing issues/problems onto another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it is all about me breathing, continuing to create an account to assist and support myself and walk my process in the most effective ways.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt what I have gathered from all the memories of what these people have done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt where I stand iwthin myself about these situations when those individauls impose their problems/issues onto me through deleting my accounts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am wrong because I stand up for myself against people who impose their issues/problems onto me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I work exceptionally well with people who do not impose their issues/problems onto me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pissed off about how long it takes me to create different accounts.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to to not see/realise/understand that I am not responsible for the issues/problems these people have within themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear these people not stopping their issues/problems being imposed onto me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm going to give up on assisting and supporting myself the best ways that I know how
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that me creating accounts is not bad or wrong it is just a solution that i have to the problems/issues these people have been imposing onto me for so many years
When and as I see myself reacting to the messages or seeing my accounts get delete - I stop and I breathe - I realise that it is just these people imposing their issues/problems and has nothing to do with me, so just move it into a solution by/through creating another account and continuing on with my process.
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