DAY 7: Writing To Get It Over And Done With

DAY 7: Writing To Get It Over And Done With

I have a resistance to writing. I want to get the writing over and done with. I don't want to go into depth or use big words. I want to remain basic and complete a blog just to feel good about it. I know that writing is a huge part of the process. I believe that so long as I just write it and call it ''DAY 7'' then I have done what I am suppose to do. I am impatient with the writing process. I want everything said without me having to think about what words to choose. Writing is a frustrating process when what I need to say is taking longer. I don't want to plan my writings -- I just want to write and be basic. I have realised that I won't get anywhere by being very basic and not even scratching the surface. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be very basic and not even scratch the surface when writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very impatient with the preparation for a blog.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that preparation will make the process of change easier and my understanding better. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself on the spot and want to write about a point in a few simple lines to just get it over and done with to feel good that I have made small amount of progress but not fully understand or change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing a blog is easy when it takes time, preparation and practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste each day wanting to just get a blog done instead of using my time to create a blog that will help me understand and showcase my change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to go extremely fast with the blog so that I can just get it out of the way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing in fear of being wrong 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing quality blogs

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the creation of a quality blog.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatient with making mistakes and structuring my writings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate the process of writing. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am dumb because I have trouble coming up with what to say and how to write it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put as much effort into my blog writings as I do writing poetry 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't need to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I shouldn't write just because I am behind in the process due to what a hand full of individuals did that causes trouble with my progress and development. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the process of writing is an action that we do every single day to assist and support ourselves to see whats going on and how we can best change to live out solutions.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I'd be able to create quality change for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can take this blog writing as serious as I would do my businesses. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear whatever comes out inside of me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what other people may think about my blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opinions of people about my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use basic words and just write to complete blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can get the most out of the writing process if I prepare with drafts and take time to correct then restructure if needed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when I have to prepare a blog and come up with what to write as the words to help me understand 

DAY 6: All Psychopathic Issues/Problems Do Is Hurt People

DAY 6: All Psychopathic Issues/Problems Do Is Hurt People

For  some days I have felt down about the continued treatment that received  from these 5 individuals who have Psychopathic issues/problems that they impose upon me for almost 8 years now. I have been reacting within frustration, annoyance, anger and hurt to the memories that have come up and the knowing of how much it still impacts on my life today. All I see is the Psychopathic treatment that these people imposed upon me.  These people lied to me, manipulated me, used my care for another woman to turn me against myself by telling me I was obsessed when I just cared for that individual, they degraded me, used the interview to manipulate me, they didn’t assist or support me when I went to them for help out of the situation they were creating, they turned me against my psychologist, they told me I couldn’t go to anyone about this situation, they lead into a mental breakdown and impacted my relationships with my family, they used the Personal development courses as a way to manipulate me and further turn me against myself, they inferiorzed me, and tried to force me with a male who I later find out I was abused for and expected me to be with him as a partner. I didn’t know this boy and I didn’t want to be with any male. I tried to tell them I was interested in females for intimate partnership and they manipulated me to think I was playing games — further turning me against myself. They expected me to be with someone whom I never wanted to be with and to be raped and just live for that person because what it would have been as there want or desire within to be with any man. They needed hurting that boy, me and causing me to be homeless. They isolated me, hurt my mind, and wouldn’t let me continue with my personal development courses because I didn’t let anyone rape me and live a life I don’t want. These people who did this knew within full awareness of the horrors they were causing and tried to make me think and believe that they assisting and supporting me. There is no proof whatsoever that these people were ever of assistance and support. Now these people came back into my life to lie and blame me for everything they have done so that nobody finds out and I don’t see truth. They continued send me off to psychologists to make me think there’s something wrong me with there isn’t and try to continue to make me look bad in front of everyone else. When they were the ones responsible for all the trouble and damages they were creating for everybody. So the care that I had for woman was still there as they kept on blaming me and not letting me see the truth. I ended up asking that woman out because they didn’t let me see the truth or heal.

These people wanted me to be inferior so that they can continue to impose their Psychopathic issues/problems onto me thinking they’re what is best for all. These people didn’t do anything right and nor did they assist and support anyone by imposing their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me. They still do it to this day. 

They’re continueing  preventing me from doing my courses with people who do have paychopathic issues/problems within themselves. Most of the people that I have worked with wouldn’t even conceive to do that to someone. The Psychopathic individuals who sat there imposing and watching the impacts will not step a foot into my life as a personal buddy. The only I am still a live is because of the strength that I have within myself to continue to pick myself up from the Psychopathic issues and problems that are imposed upon me. 

There was never anything wrong with me. These people were the ones who were in the wrong. They even admitted it after they couldn’t succeed in getting what they wanted out of their Psychopathic issues and problems. 

What I see/realise/understand is that their Psychopathic issues and problems are not mine. They don’t define me they define these individuals. What they and have done all defines them. When these memories come up it’s all their behaviour that I see and I don’t me doing anything wrong as I was heavily manipulated by them. How they were able to manipulate me to that extreme is because I grow up knowing no different. I grow up in terrible situations and so they took advantage of vulnerability. Also they used their assistive and supportive position to manipulate me and they lied through their  teeth about everything so they were able to get away with it. They stuck for reach other even know they were in the wrong and they continued for years to entrap me in their own blame. They lied to everyone about me and the whole situation. 

However — I have to understand/see/realise that I am still here and must walk my process as well as pick myself up from the damage these people created/create within full awareness that it impacts upon my life as they sabotage my process continuously because they didn’t get what they wanted which is very, very, very Psychopathic. Trying to control who someone goes with as their partner in this life have them be with someone they don’t want to be with and be raped, continue to lie, betray, manipulate and sabotage their relationships with their psychologist to continue forcing them to be with a male and then lie about as welll blame the person you’ve been hurting is nothing short of Psychopathic. So —- what I see/realise/understand is these people have serious Psychopathic issues/problems to do that to someone who hasn’t done anything wrong to anyone. These people lied about everything and I was never going to let me live life for other people — to keep them happy whilst I rot. That’s not best for all. 

It is not self honesty —- it is death.

So I have realised for myself to not take any of these issues and problems personally. Because they have nothing to do with me. It’s just imposed upon me. I have several solutions to ensure these individual’s do not stop me from sharing myself and walking my course with someone who I choose to walk them with. 

I still have all the opportunities (believe it or not) to have woman as my partner, to own and run business, to make a lot of money and walk my process. These people didn’t defeat me. They’ve have just created damage that I have to pick up. These people will watch pick up their damage whether they like it or not. They wanted to keep themselves away from seeing the real damage they created so they can believe that they were right about what they did. Proof is in the pudding. They were never right. 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take the Psychopathic issues and problems that were imposed and are imposed onto me by these people personally when they don’t define me they define these individuals who are imposing it onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into shock, trauma, anger, annoyance and frustration when I see all the Psychopathic issues and problems of these people beingnimposed onto me in the past as they were degrading and inferiorizing me for males

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think these individuals imposing their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me is my fault when these people happily manipulated me and watched the impacts within full awareness of the terror they were creating for me and other people involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think that any of this is my responsibility when I was strongly manipulated and taken advantage of by these individuals who were imposing their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within extreme anger when I see all these memories come up in reaction to them continuing to delete my accounts and preventing me from walking my courses when it’s all about persistence and consistency to get my courses and share myself on the forums whether they like it or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe these people destroyed me when all they did was create more damage for me to pick up 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is too late to have everything that I want my life because of the damages that these people have imposed onto me with their Psychopathic issues and problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my age as an excuse to not go after the things I know will help me to make money in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the memories of what these individuals have done through imposing their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me get in the way of my routine that helps me continue to create who I want to be in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that in this life time I will get my courses and none of those individuals who have Psychopathic issues and problems will ever step a foot with me as personal buddy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am doing anything wrong by standing to these Psychopathic issues and problems these people have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people judging me because I am choosing to stand up to people who have Psychopathic issues and problems that they impose onto me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I hurt anyone when it was these people who imposed their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me that affected me and so other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame me when these peopleimpose their Psychopathic issues and problems onto me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that these people will watch me pick up the damages they’ve created whether they like it or not as they have to face their consequences either here or in the afterlife

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that by me sharing the damages as my writing I am helping those individuals face their issue so and problems that they have created for themselves.

When and as I see myself reacting to all the Psychopathic issues and problems these people imposed onto me - I stop and I breathe - I realise that these issues and problems have nothing to do with me and everything to Do with these individuals who have these Psychopathic issues and problems that they impose onto me and so I can create a solution by/through creating another account as an act of not giving up on me and assisting supporting myself in my process. I act on the solution when it is time.

I commit myself to not react to the memories of all the Psychopathic issues and problems that were imposed onto me

I commit myself to stand by my routine and not be impatient about moving into a solution 

DAY 5: The Issues/Problems

DAY 5: The Issues/Problems

I created accounts on the Desteni forums to share myself openly. I like sharing on the forums. The problem that occurs when I do this is they will let me share and then the individuals will delete my account some days later. This is not a new pattern. It is a very old one coming from these individuals. What I recieved was a message saying that my account was permanently banned because of my name or because of who I am. Now, I haven't done anything wrong to these people. These people have in the past, and still today, impose their issues/problems onto me, my process and my life as a whole. In the past it really affected my life big time. They manipulated me, lied to me, mentally tortured me and used my care for another person against me to force with males. I was never interested in males in a intimate partnership way. They did this by manipulation, lies, abuse, turning me against myself, tearing a part my family and turning me against my psychologist. They had to make me believe that I was wrong and there was something wrong with me. This all lead me into a mental breakdown where I almost lost my life. They definitely did not care about my life or the lives other people. They just imposed their issues/problems onto me. So, it ended up causing problems throughout my whole life because of their issues/problems. Their issues/problems are still impacting on my process to this day. I don't know what is wrong with these people... all I know is they have issues/problems that they keep imposing onto me. I definitely do not see myself as a bad person or someone who has done anything wrong and I can stand within absolute self-honesty as I have looked at every memory, every moment, and who I was in-comparison to who they were reveals to me that they were the problems and I was not/am not.

So yesterday I did slightly react to seeing the message about being permanently banned. I did go into blaming myself but I have not done anything wrong. So for these people to do that as they continue to impose their issues/problems onto me and my process it is rather hurtful, annoying and frustrating -- But I have developed a solution to that so it's all about not reacting or going back through what has happened. That is something that I seem to do. Is i'll start challenging myself and it always comes back to the knowing that they're responsible so I will not give up on myself or stop doing what I am doing. As I know they're the ones with the issues/problems --- So it is not about challenging myself it is about remain stable despite there issues/problems being imposed onto me and my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am wrong or have done wrong to anyone in the situations these people have created by imposing their issues/problems onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, frustration, annoyance and sadness when I see these people continuously impose their issues/problems onto me and my process.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it is all about creating more accounts to ensure these people don't get in the way of my process continuously or show to them that their issues/problems are not going to stop me from doing stuff that I enjoy, that is best for all, and walking my process in the most effective ways possible.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that these issues/problems these people have lead them to delete my accounts has really nothing to do with me or ''me being the issue/problem'' it is all about those people and whatever they have going on within themselves that they need to deal with.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take those individuals issues/problems that they keep imposing onto me personally when their issues/problems do not have anything to do with me but are their own to take responsibility for and stop blaming and imposing them onto someone else.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that those people who continue to impose their issues/problems onto me are not helping anyone or anything but are continue to lock themselves into a cycle that does not assist or support them in anyway which is 'impose and blame'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consider giving up on myself because of the issues/problems those people have that keep impacting on their behaviours and so onto me because they abdicate the responsibility to the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe the crap/shit those people told me, about me in the past and/or still believe it now to this day when these people knew nothing and were completely ignorant and abusive -- as part of their imposing issues/problems onto another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it is all about me breathing, continuing to create an account to assist and support myself and walk my process in the most effective ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt what I have gathered from all the memories of what these people have done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt where I stand iwthin myself about these situations when those individauls impose their problems/issues onto me through deleting my accounts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am wrong because I stand up for myself against people who impose their issues/problems onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I work exceptionally well with people who do not impose their issues/problems onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pissed off about how long it takes me to create different accounts.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to to not see/realise/understand that I am not responsible for the issues/problems these people have within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear these people not stopping their issues/problems being imposed onto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm going to give up on assisting and supporting myself the best ways that I know how

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that me creating accounts is not bad or wrong it is just a solution that i have to the problems/issues these people have been imposing onto me for so many years

When and as I see myself reacting to the messages or seeing my accounts get delete - I stop and I breathe - I realise that it is just these people imposing their issues/problems and has nothing to do with me, so just move it into a solution by/through creating another account and continuing on with my process.

DAY 4: Reactions to Smokers

DAY 4: Reactions to Smokers

There are people in my life who smoke cigarettes.  These individuals are not living with me but I do see them on a daily basis. I am a carer for one of them so I visit every day. I being a non-smoker I strongly dislike cigarette smoke and would motivate anyone to give it up. I watch cigarettes make lives worse for people both on a physical and money level so I strongly dislike it. Here in Australia they talk about trying to make people give it up by banning people from smoking on the some streets, by raising the prices and putting gruesome pictures on the packets. But none of that works really well. They don't want to give up on selling cigarettes or get rid of them because they make too much money on tax. Anyways, when I visit I am a passive smoker. I try to slow down my breathing or put a fan on but it is very hard to escape. I have backchat come up in these times. The person I watch smoke has lung cancer and is a chain smoker. I watch him cough during and after a cigarette then backchat occurs again. I feel very frustrated, annoyed and start judging them for smoking. I cannot change this persons circumstance but the main reason I am there is to make it an easy one. I care for someone who is terminally ill so it probably won't make too much of a difference if they gave up now. I have stopped suggesting that they give up as they do not wish to. So – it's just about taking responsibility for what comes up and ensure that I find ways to continue to have fresh air and use diluted (a few drops of) hydrogen peroxide 35% to spray into my lungs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge person b for smoking  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge person b for his drinking and smoking habits.  

I forgive myself to feel sad about person b having a smoking habit that makes his life uncomfortable and unhealthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for person b and their circumstances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for Person b as he chain smokes 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call person b worthless and stupid for smoking 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that there are ways to ensure that the smoke does not damage my body.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge person b every time he lites a smoke after he had one 3 minutes or so ago.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge person b for smoking inside  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge person b as stupid for living in cigarette smoke 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the cigarette smoke doing more damage to person b when I have already said and done everything I can for Person B 

When and as I see myself reacting within annoyance, frustration and start backchatting about Person B as he smokes – I stop and I breathe – I realise that I can move myself in a position where the smoke does not bother me so much and take measures at home by using what I believe will assist/support the lungs.  

I commit myself to ensure that I open the surrounding windows when I am at Person B's house.  

I commit myself to move for fresh air if I need to.  

DAY 3: Wasting Time On Knowledge/information That Cannot Be Applied Right Now

DAY 3: Wasting Time On Knowledge/information That Cannot Be Applied Right Now 

Today was the first time that I stayed home all day. I kept occupied by working on some projects I want to start up. I am starting many businesses that will be up and running in the new year. I have been using the time to educate myself on marketing strategies and plans. One business that I want to start up is to help people grow their own businesses. There was a short time where I gave up on bringing that idea to life because it was more of a hobby. Then I realised as I manage/mentor and coach people who I know and work on their marketing I realised that I'm already doing it so I should probably do it as it is something that interests me and I can make money from it. TO build/create this business I do need knowledge/information that I believe will help me succeed as best I can. Sometimes I can go a little overboard at knowledge/information. By overboard I mean --- go for knowledge/information that I do not require immediately but possibly in the future. I fill myself with knowledge/information that I cannot apply right now. With a head full of knowledge/information I tend to lose focus on what I can do right now that will show me progress in the businesses I am building for me and others. As a result of losing focus on what I can do right now I had to refocus by going for a walk. After the walk I was able to refocus and regain the motivation I needed to continue working on the current businesses I have and see them into completion.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload myself with knowledge/information that I do not need/require right now to  complete current projects I am working on.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can focus on current projects and knowledge/information that I can apply so that I am not full/filled with knowledge/information that may not or may be required only in the future.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend too much time on knowledge/information that I won't be using for current projects and end up losing focus on the projects themselves because of it.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow every idea that comes up in my mind when looking at ways to build my core business.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time on knowledge/information I do not need when there are projects that needed to completed  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I've got to be a business guru create businesses and companies.  

When and as I see myself getting distracted by ideas of learning knowledge/information that I do not need for current projects right now – I stop and I breathe – I realise that a business or company cannot be created without actual progress that is lived in some form. By filling my mind with knowledge/information that I cannot live or apply to current projects or business right now is a waste of time as the steps are not taken or lived to get me to the point of being able to live the knowledge/information that I cannot apply. The best way to go is starting small and using knowledge/information that I can apply right now then focusing on the other knowledge/information when I get to that point.  

I commit myself to stay focused on working on current projects that will help me to expand me later on.  

I commit myself to not go wasting time on knowledge/information that I cannot use for my current projects right now.  

DAY 2: Postponement and Resistance to Cleaning Up

DAY 2: Postponement and Resistance to Cleaning Up

My day starts off with me getting prepared to walk to my father's house. I spend the majority of the day with my dad. I start walking home in the afternoon and arrive at about 3 – 4 pm. I come home after a long walk to my house being a little messy.  

What I like doing when I get home is grabbing my laptop to then having a rest. The time would go by then I do not bother cleaning. The postponement would set in. I'd tell myself ''I'll do it tomorrow morning'' and that would never happen. The house gets a bit messy to a point where I can't take it anymore. It doesn't go to the extremes of messy or bad – As someone who has worked as a cleaner – My definition of messy may be not so messy to others. So – to be me it is still messy and I know to clean it. When the house is messy I feel down, depressed, unorganized and unclean. I pushed past the resistance and postponement this afternoon. I feel more clean, organised and happier that I've cleaned up the house.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone the cleaning up of my house.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the house by getting and leaving so that I don't have to see the state of it.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist cleaning the house. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone and resist being organised, clean and happier.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the house getting messy then clean it when I cannot bare it anymore 

When and as I see myself postponing and resisting the clean up of my house – I stop and I breathe – I realise that being clean and organised save me time and will make me feel a lot more happier.  

I commit myself to push past postponement and resistance.  

I commit myself to clean up right after I have a rest from walking